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WHO: this new fucking weed and you

WHERE: the pasture

WHEN: Day 34 HIGH NOON

[ a young man in a black collar and a tattered outfit that looks like something out of a wuxia themed anime is standing in the middle of town and waving people down. he's unarmed, has tattoos of a silver metal that glows like moonlight across his arms and shoulders, and seems friendly! except, uh ]

Hello! Good afternoon! I've come here to prewarn you all that I intend on utterly destroying this community, down to the last child and the last stone of the last standing building, and leaving it a smoking husk incapable of sustaining any civilization, to protect you all from the inevitable march of progress into tyranny.

Only striking me down utterly and without mercy can save you all from this fate.

As a show of good sport, I will invite attempts on my life starting now.

[ for those of you who can sense power levels uhhhhh his power level is high though. ]

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Because it's the way I do things.

That's stupid. Ya could change the way ya do things to anythin' ya want.

No, I could not.

[ gawd this is a really uncomfortable and slow way to die. go back to shooting him ]

If that's how ya think about it, then ya may as well die. And I don't mind helpin' ya end things.

[Rather than his guns, this time he summons a flaming scythe to his hand.]

If you would like, you may make the attempt. That's what today is for, after all.

I'm already doin' it.

[He swings the scythe in a wide arc for his neck.]

[ DECAPITATED

ACID SPRAYS EVERYWHERE

HIS BODY DROPS TO THE GROUND BEREFT OF HEAD ]

[That was easier than he expected

He watches the decapitated body with interest, the black flames still lingering.]

[ he's just gonna lie here for a bit ]

Huh...

[does he still have any life energy to consume?]

[ his body appears to be dead but in terms of like soul or essence or whatever

yeah he has tons still ]

[The black flames continue to do that, then, and Edgelord continues to feel the flow of power from it.

He nudges the body with a foot in confusion. A bit of acid-blood drips on it, eating away at the black carapace-armor covering his foot slightly, and he hisses in annoyance.]

Tch, is that all? If I was actually tryin' to stop ya, I could dump ya in jail or somethin' pretty easy now.

[ REACHES OUT FOR HIS HEAD WITH HIS LIFELESS, LIMP HAND. PLACES IT BACK ON HIS NECK. SIGHS. ]

Hah!

Well, ya weren't lyin' about being pretty hard to kill, anyway.

[ reattaches it. the air around him glows a faint silver, like moonlight, as his body recovers from being fuckin decapitated. ]

Normally my would-be murderers don't just stand there ogling the corpse.

Normally when I kill people there ain't a corpse left.

[He gestures the black flames higher around him.]

Ah, so that was my mistake.

Well, I do leave a corpse sometimes. Yer mistake was talkin' big about how hard ya are to kill. I ain't exactly gonna decide my job's done here after one swing after all that.

Is there a way you can do it faster?

Hah! Well, if you're askin'. Lemme try.

[He concentrates, and the black flames swirl up into a whirlwind around Shahi. The draining feeling intensifies to the point he may find it hard to move, and bits of his body may start to flake away into dry ash.]

[ honestly as this starts shahi is like. okay, i get it. this seems like it's gonna be slow and painful and i'm bored.

so when the black flames swirl up around his body he punches into his own chest and mortal kombat crushes his own heart to speed things up

so temporarily his body simply has no resistance and poofs into an ash pile. later ]

...

Ya really wanna die that bad, huh...

[He also nudges the ashes with his foot and hisses about it.

And waits a bit longer to see if anything else is going to happen....]

[ the ash is also highly corrosive yes.

nothing happens he is tired go away ]

[Well.

That was less exciting than he was hoping.

The black flames fade away and Edgelord returns to human form.]

Guess that's it...?