૮꒰˵• ﻌ •˵꒱ა ewe can do it~

[noarchitact]

WHO: You, you, & you.
WHERE: the Pasture!
WHEN: Day 91

[ 🐑 baaa. ]

Comments

[spinebuddyandme]

...Okay. Okay, so both of you were just gonna...live with that.

[ Worry Beam has been Enhanced!! ]

This'd be where I ask you if you really wanted to never go home again, but I'm pretty sure I know what you'd say to that. So I guess I'll ask: Why? We had, like, a mini-army show up to help us kick her out of Mute. Why do you think we wouldn't do that for you?

[audacity]

I asked him not to tell you guys.

[ trying to un-bus kevin a little,,, ]

It's not — I didn't think you wouldn't. I know you would. That's kind of the whole problem.

[spinebuddyandme]

How is it a problem for you to get help?

[audacity]

It always goes badly for the people trying to help.

[spinebuddyandme]

[ Leans over and tries to pUT HIM IN A HEADLOCK

he may be extending the sleeves of Scarab's armor to lend a little strength to the maneuver ]

[audacity]

[ he somehow wasn't expecting that, despite knowing ananke and also lethe and minuet the stampede, so ANANKE SUCCEEDS AT HEADLOCK. the scarab assist also doesn't hurt ]

Hey, what...!

[spinebuddyandme]

[ CEPH GETTIN NOOGIED ]

It's not your fault if things go bad!

[audacity]

[ HELP ]

It kind of is?

[spinebuddyandme]

[ SHAKES HIM lightly though ]

Is it your friends' fault if you get hurt trying to help them out?

[audacity]

[ honestly too surprised to resist any manhandling like WAS ANANKE ALWAYS THIS VIOLENT??? DID HE JUST NOT NOTICE????? ]

Are you gonna shake me again if I say that's not the same thing? Because it's not really the same —

[spinebuddyandme]

[ he wasn't planning to, but he can't NOT shake him for that ]

It is the same! You matter to people!

[audacity]

[ :blossomWhy: ]

Look, I know, but I have literally gotten people hurt and killed. People I mattered to? That's not just something to brush off.

[spinebuddyandme]

But you didn't kill them! You didn't get them killed. The enemy you were fighting, or disaster you were dealing with, whatever the threat was. Whatever risk they decided to protect you from did. And it—

[ His breath catches for a moment, grip weakens ]

It can't be brushed off. It's still hurts, and I get that it feels like you should've done more or tried harder or just listened— ...But that feeling is wrong. There's no way you've ever done anything less than your best. You can't blame yourself for not being a literal perfect god who can keep everyone safe all of the time.

[audacity]

It's not that I don't hear you.

[ quieter, ]

But if it were Kevin, would you still be saying that? Or Lethe. Or Charon. Or Aides. If I dragged any of them into something, and there was no coming back. Could you still look me in the eyes and say it wasn't my fault? Because I...

[ am bone-shakingly terrified of that ]

...would have a really hard time believing that. Even if you could.

[spinebuddyandme]

Of course I could.

[ Lets him go entirely, scooting back enough to be able to look him in the face again, waiting for eye contact before speaking ]

I can say it because I know death is a risk when I go out in the field. Facing it is kind of the whole point of my job. When I end up trapped on a sinking ship or falling to Earth at terminal velocity, it's because I decided to put myself there. If anything ever happens to me on a mission, even a mission to help you, it's because I decided to risk it. And I'm pretty sure all the guys think the same way.

You're not leading anyone blindly into anything.

[audacity]

[ probably a good thing that ananke's let go of him, because it'd be so embarrassing if he started trembling when it were really obvious. definitely STARING at how quickly that response comes, though, utterly taken off-guard. ]

You don't... [ swallows, hard ] There's no way you can mean that.

[spinebuddyandme]

[ Puts a steadying hand on his shoulder ]

I do mean it. I'll go get a truth potion from Daisy right now if that's what it takes to prove it.

[audacity]

[ does NOT ask for that. does however take a moment to press the heels of his hands into his eyes so he doesn't start crying or anything truly mortifying ]

[spinebuddyandme]

... I'm sorry. I—normally I wouldn't get so... But I couldn't let you keep believing that stuff.

[audacity]

[ a choked laugh ]

Are you seriously apologizing right now?

[spinebuddyandme]

Y...es...?

[audacity]

[ truly unsure for a second if he's going to laugh or cry at how absurd that is. breathes out, still unsteady ]

I want to believe you're right. Or — I don't know. I trust you, all of you, but it's hard to...no.

[ may as well just admit it ]

I'm afraid. That's what it is.

[spinebuddyandme]

[ furrows his brow, a little uncertain ]

Afraid...of trusting us?

[audacity]

Um. That you're wrong. That it will all go bad. I told you, my track record sucks. Like. Half-bloods don't make it to seventeen without outliving a lot of people. I couldn't count them all if I tried.

[spinebuddyandme]

... I can't promise you that nothing bad will happen. That's...the risk.

[ Has definitely expected to die a couple of times ]

The only thing I can promise is to fight as hard to protect myself as I'll fight for you.