sheep_game | ૮꒰˵• ﻌ •˵꒱ა ewe can do it~

It's not that I don't hear you.

[ quieter, ]

But if it were Kevin, would you still be saying that? Or Lethe. Or Charon. Or Aides. If I dragged any of them into something, and there was no coming back. Could you still look me in the eyes and say it wasn't my fault? Because I...

[ am bone-shakingly terrified of that ]

...would have a really hard time believing that. Even if you could.

Of course I could.

[ Lets him go entirely, scooting back enough to be able to look him in the face again, waiting for eye contact before speaking ]

I can say it because I know death is a risk when I go out in the field. Facing it is kind of the whole point of my job. When I end up trapped on a sinking ship or falling to Earth at terminal velocity, it's because I decided to put myself there. If anything ever happens to me on a mission, even a mission to help you, it's because I decided to risk it. And I'm pretty sure all the guys think the same way.

You're not leading anyone blindly into anything.

[ probably a good thing that ananke's let go of him, because it'd be so embarrassing if he started trembling when it were really obvious. definitely STARING at how quickly that response comes, though, utterly taken off-guard. ]

You don't... [ swallows, hard ] There's no way you can mean that.

[ Puts a steadying hand on his shoulder ]

I do mean it. I'll go get a truth potion from Daisy right now if that's what it takes to prove it.

[ does NOT ask for that. does however take a moment to press the heels of his hands into his eyes so he doesn't start crying or anything truly mortifying ]

... I'm sorry. I—normally I wouldn't get so... But I couldn't let you keep believing that stuff.

[ a choked laugh ]

Are you seriously apologizing right now?

Y...es...?

[ truly unsure for a second if he's going to laugh or cry at how absurd that is. breathes out, still unsteady ]

I want to believe you're right. Or — I don't know. I trust you, all of you, but it's hard to...no.

[ may as well just admit it ]

I'm afraid. That's what it is.

[ furrows his brow, a little uncertain ]

Afraid...of trusting us?

Um. That you're wrong. That it will all go bad. I told you, my track record sucks. Like. Half-bloods don't make it to seventeen without outliving a lot of people. I couldn't count them all if I tried.

... I can't promise you that nothing bad will happen. That's...the risk.

[ Has definitely expected to die a couple of times ]

The only thing I can promise is to fight as hard to protect myself as I'll fight for you.

Yeah, I know. The risk is pretty much unavoidable.

[ ok one last shuddering breath and then he has to try to pull himself together ]

But, um. That is a pretty good promise.

[ Gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze ]

I think we'll have pretty good odds anyway. Cheating death is practically a hobby for everyone on Lily. Lethe even pulls it off while he's raising a family and a few dozen monsters.

That dead fish isn't gonna know what hit her.

I mean, it doesn't have to be ev...it is going to be everyone who wants to help, yeah.

[ sighs, drops his hands. wonders if he should mention the part where meris keeps making ominous noises about what'd happen to him with her gone.

...nah. ]

I'm worried about Charon's deal too. I know it's not as...much as mine, but I don't think her having access to his head is safe either.

Agreed. Scarab's never picked up anything, y'know, concerning when he scans Charon, but I still don't really like it. Especially if you hate her this much.

... What's she been like with you anyway?

[ opens mouth

closes mouth

shrugs ]

...fine?

[ #nailedit ]

"Fine" is what you're gonna go with after melting down about how dangerous you think it's gonna be for us?

[ WINCES ]

Okay, yeah, that was stupid.

What's she really been doing? Is she hurting you?

[ hesitates, then ]

Can we go back to Lily first? I'll...tell you some more about it there. Not everything, but that's just because I've promised the others to talk about it too. Maybe we can talk about it as a group or something, later.

[ Frown deepens. Just how much shit have the rotten fish sticks been up to? ]

'course we can. However you wanna talk about it is fine.

[ IT'S PROBABLY FINE ]

Yeah, let's go back.

[ and it's not a long walk, at least ]

[ 8(

falls into step with him though ]

You wanna use the war room? The pillow floor is pretty good for venting.

Actually? Yeah, that's a great idea.

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