sheep_game | ♈︎

Which explains why I haven't heard of her . . .

She was usually in the form of many birds.

So, Daffodil, Clover, and a weed . . . I really am happy for Sonata, then.

It is a little bittersweet.

Mm, especially since you have Shade to worry about.

Mm...

[A nod, staring blindly at the floor.]

Even though my memories are a jumbled mess of scattered moments together, and I cannot recall very much... The one thing I do know, with absolute certainty, is that I love my cousin.

[He is such a precious person. That is and shall never be in question.]

There have been... a few alarming incidents at home, from the little I do recall, that worries me a bit. But... if he were to return, a weight would lift off my chest. Home would certainly be safer than this place.

What about what he would want? I don't think he'd want to leave you here by yourself.

No. He probably would not.

[He shakes his head.]

I wish to respect his autonomy. But that does not mean I cannot help but wish for his safety despite it.

Mm, it's a family thing. Have you mentioned it, at least?

I know I have. I try not to be too overbearing with it all, since it would feel a little rude, especially when I have so few memories.

I don't see what lacking in memories has to do with that, but that's probably for the best since it's a moot point until one of you actually has the chance to leave.

Ah... he just. Tends to be a little vague about things, tells me he does not wish to color my thoughts of either of our families, and assures me to just not worry about him.

. . . As I said that is impossible, but it is where we are at.

I heard the shepherds can see the bonds that tie a person to the pasture, though. I wonder what they see when looking at Shade-kun.

[cygnus 🙏 shade]

You can ask Zenith, but he'd probably tell Shade before he tells you and Shade would get to decide when he talks to you about it. So, it wouldn't help your situation to go behind his back like that.

No, and I do not wish to go behind his back.

Just look after him please, if you will. I feel that we have had one misunderstanding after the next. Just the other day after a game, even. No offense, but I will always have his best interests at heart above everyone else's. I wish he would have let me look after him, rather than simply return to Clover. I worry over him quite a bit, and I wish he would just... rely on me. Even just sometimes.

[He expels a breath.]

Perhaps... my affection runs deeper than his own for me in turn. Even if that is the case though, he will always be my first friend and someone I hold dear. I worry because he tends to think himself immune to harm. He has touted to me so often now how he has never once been harmed yet. But...

[ . . . ]

That is, in part, because there have been people to protect him from it-- here and at home.

[He knows this all too well. Maybe he thinks he knows nothing because of his amnesia, but... he knows very well the threats to his wellbeing back home.]

He just... does not understand some of that danger. And he does not want to hear it from me. I am so incredibly relieved that Clover seems to do well in the stupid rituals we are subjected to-- I just wish he would take it a little more seriously. Bluebell rarely escapes unscathed-- so I can say firsthand how dangerous and painful this place is when it does not go according to plan. In, and outside of rituals.

I do not doubt that he is strong. He is physically much stronger than I. He is very skilled. But I love him. And I wish he would let me show him that.

. . . If I was him and I heard you talking about me like this, I would be pissed off. The fact you aren't even intentionally doing this says a lot about your relationship.

You're treating him like a kid. —No, even less than that, a baby.

I cannot think wanting someone to rely on me equates to treating him like an infant. Nor do I think you understand where my concerns are coming from.

Bravery is one thing. I commend it. But he puts on a show of being invincible when speaking with me to disregard what I feel are serious concerns. That is where my problems lie.

There is someone near him that he seems fond of. But that very person has assaulted me with the intent of great bodily harm on multiple occasions. I have many thoughts that I do not care to emotionally parse through regarding that right now.

But I absolutely cannot trust my assailant not to one day hurt him too. And no matter how much it might upset him, expressing that I worry about this is a legitimate concern I think. I don't doubt that he is capable. But anyone would worry in a case like this. And anyone would worry over someone they love who, like myself, possesses too much hubris for their own good, in a land crawling with demons.

You aren't selling me on your case, you know. Children have to make mistakes in order to learn from them, and you aren't even giving him that much grace. You want to be the person comforting them after the fact when you aren't even letting him hurt himself first.

Would you let your sister get hurt by someone who could do great damage?

Yes, because she can handle it. Without a doubt, she can endure a lot more than me and still come out okay from it.

I do not actually believe that.

[ . . . . ]

Not that part about her being strong and capable.

I mean-- I just think if you could prevent harm, you would. You even tried to chase me away from simply being near her. And I pose no threat.

Edited 2024-05-14 04:09 (UTC)

I would, but I know my limits. I can't cover everything. And I just considered you inferior, so you don't have the right to stand on the same stage as her.

[He waves his hand.]

I do not really care what you think because I know you to be wrong.

Regardless. I am not preventing him from anything. It does not mean that I have ceased wishing he would avoid it though, too. It does not stop me from wishing a great many things.

Edited 2024-05-14 04:16 (UTC)

Yeah, but saying you wish he would avoid it doesn't sound like you trust him to be able to deal with it. You have to put that part first. 'You can handle whatever comes, but I hope you never have to.'

I agree with that. I don't think you are wrong, and I know I can be overbearing at times. But neither do I attempt to keep him from anything. I just also think there is a place for sharing concerns, too.

There is. So, show it by being the first to share your concerns about you. Be vulnerable, and he'll feel open to being more vulnerable with you.

♈︎

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