🐑🌭

[crittersheep]

WHO: whoever
WHERE: wherever
WHEN: day 38, afternoon to evening

[outside of team posts, what are you all hot dog up to, in the wake of all that hot dog nonsense?

the morning shower gave way to bright hot (dog) sunshine, which persists through and after the ritual. perfect outdoor weather through the rest of the day!]

Comments

[catposting]

[ tilts head questioningly ]

Anyone could. Anyone would, given the right impetus, wouldn't they? That's what happens when you're nobody's priority.

[wants_the_phd]

Someone would have to be very strong or very motivated to take you down outside a ritual.

And inside a ritual... well.





I guess I can't relate to the idea of hoping to be saved. Is being "useful" enough to make one "important"?

[catposting]

[ gives a half-laugh; as a chibi dragon, it sounds like a chirrup ]

Is that what you think this is about? Wanting to be saved?

[wants_the_phd]

Then what is it about? Tell me.

[catposting]

Not that. Rose was saved once, you know. Right after we were sacrificed. It was mortifying.

[ ... ]

Why do you want to know?

[wants_the_phd]

Because I like understanding things.

[catposting]

Would you sacrifice your dignity for the ability to choose your fate?

[wants_the_phd]

If I didn't do that kind of thing my entire life, I wouldn't be here right now.

Thanks for assuming I have dignity though, that's nice of you.

[catposting]

I'm an adorable cartoon dragon. Of course I'm nice.

You get it, then. Serving someone else, as you put it, is just a means to an end. If I have to die again, I want it to be on my own terms, not as some insipid fodder at the bottom of the food chain.

It's really not that deep.

[wants_the_phd]

So... you were trying to make yourself valuable enough that Rose, and by extension you, would not be so easy to sacrifice in rituals. But then you took a nap for ten minutes, and Rose lashed out so hard that the ire it provoked eclipsed your individual value.

Is that about the shape of it?

[catposting]

[ chirrups again ]

Something like that.

[wants_the_phd]

Then wouldn't it be more accurate to say that Rose failed you?

[catposting]

That would imply that Rose owed me something in the first place. I could argue that Rose failed you the most, as someone that got swept up in our unfortunate mess, but — I'm not looking to make this into a competition.

I just want to make the most of the chances I'm given. This place and the people here actually grant those; crazy, isn't it?

[wants_the_phd]

[Bro, she cannot even pretend she understands anyone in this place even 5% of the time. Everyone's thought processes are way too alien.]

Then, what was it that you owed to Rose?

[catposting]

Hmm?

[ tilts his head and looks her straight in the eye. holds the gaze for a second ]

Oh, I just like you guys. I didn't want any of us to eat shit unless it was a team choice.

[wants_the_phd]

[can't give her hives if she doesn't believe you in the first place, checkmate]

So now I'm back to wondering why it is you feel like you "messed things up" with Rose.

You did not owe Rose anything, but attempted to give it some safety anyway by becoming an asset to be used by the community at large, even though you found the process undignified and unpleasant. Then, in a ritual, not only was Rose not struck by any other teams, but it suffered no immediate casualties when it lashed out at others for no reason at all.

But somehow this was a reflection on you and your inability to... what, exactly?

[catposting]

You really want to know?

[ flexes his wings lazily ]

I promised to help Shadow Fiend wrangle our mess of a flock. But all I've done is make things worse, because I underestimated how mentally weak people could be under pressure. It should have been obvious. Putting Angel Devil further on edge before the ritual should never have happened.

You're a scientist, aren't you? You know how things go when you mess up core variables.

[wants_the_phd]

In what way was he put further on edge?

[catposting]

He thought he was failing some invisible test, if I had to guess. You'd have to ask him to be sure.

[wants_the_phd]

Haha.

A self-fulfilling prophesy.

So, now that your bonds of Rose have been broken, now what? Are you upset with yourself? With us? Are you dusting off your hands and glad to be free of this burden that you placed on yourself?

[catposting]

[ chirrups ]

You're looking for an answer that doesn't exist. Do you think I have to be upset just because you are?

[wants_the_phd]

The only thing for me to be upset about is that my collar is still red, even though — as far as I can tell — I already satisfy the requirements of not wanting it to be.

[catposting]

... Have you ever grown to trust someone, against your better judgement?

[wants_the_phd]

I have.

[catposting]

"If I couldn't trust you even a little bit, we wouldn't get anything done around here."

Someone I respect told me that once. I agree; it's much easier to work with others when you don't constantly assume they're out to get you.

[ ... ]

Like and trust are different things. I didn't stop liking Rose, as individuals or as a unit. That's all I'm saying on the matter.