mingly

[wooliefrand]

WHO: SHEEP
WHERE: ALL OVER
WHEN: AFTERNOON-EVENING 103

[JUST A MINGLE BEFORE TRAUMA GAMES START COMING AND KEEP ON COMING

CARRY ON]

Comments

[dadinside]

You look terrible.

[and that's concerning.]

[wants_the_phd]

Really? That's crazy.

I also feel terrible.

[dadinside]

[that earns her a little snort.]

Almost time?

[wants_the_phd]

Yeah.

I'm scared.

[dadinside]

[nods in understanding. he knows how he'd feel if his own demise was upon him. and it very well might be once he gets home.]

... Is there anything you want to do before it happens?

[wants_the_phd]

[She draws her knees up to her chest.]

No. I think I've gotten my affairs as in order as they need to be. Theoretically I'll be back, but it doesn't feel real right now.



Weird question, but have you died before?

[dadinside]

[considering where they are...]

Not weird. But, no.

[wants_the_phd]

I've gotten close a few times, and I've seen an awful lot of other people die. And each time was... terrible.

I think theoretically it can be peaceful, but every time I've seen has involved so much screaming and suffering that I think it's really tainted my perception.

[dadinside]

[each word she speaks brings back a memory of his own life. of what his own hands have done.]

... I've seen a lot of death. Most of it violent, if there's a struggle. There are peaceful ways to die if the person knows what they're doing.

[wants_the_phd]

Knows how to die? Or how to kill?

[dadinside]

Both.

[wants_the_phd]

Do you?

[dadinside]

[quietly averts his gaze, which probably says enough.]

[wants_the_phd]

I wish I were better at it.

Every time I've killed someone it's been messy and desperate, for all parties.

Maybe if I were more competent, I wouldn't be so scared all the time.

[dadinside]

Do you want to kill?

[wants_the_phd]

Constantly.



I don't though, obviously. But the desire is there.

[dadinside]

Why do you do it?

[wants_the_phd]

[She thinks about that for a moment, but ultimately just shrugs.]

I'm just an angry kind of person?


I dunno. Sometimes the opportunity to get ahead just presents itself. It's only natural to try and take advantage when you can. Sometimes it's me doing it to others, sometimes it's others doing it to me.

The world is just a competitive place. That's all.


Why do you do it?

[dadinside]

[competitive and cruel.

he pauses for a moment, Ogino asked him the same thing once but he didn't respond to it. mostly because his response would've revealed the inner conflict.]

Because of my father.

[wants_the_phd]

How so?

[dadinside]

... It's the only thing he taught me. The only reason I exist. I'm the perfect assassin. A puppet.

[wants_the_phd]

... How do you feel about that?

[dadinside]

He's right.

[his father made him who he is, and he's alive because of it. shitty upbringing or not.]

But I also believe that I can change. I decided I'm leaving the organization.

[wants_the_phd]

What I meant was, do you like being an assassin? Does it bring you personal satisfaction?

[dadinside]

No.