dormes-vous? dormes-vous?

[crittersheep]

WHO: Everyone
WHERE: Pastureland and the world of dreams alike
WHEN: Night 25

Well, that life sure has been slicing, except where it hasn't. It's been a long day. Why not take a night walk? Or lay down and... oh, oh, the dreams are mixing again.

Comments

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[arrowace]

No . . . this place is very comfortable comparatively. But . . . for a Ranger there are no advantages . . . to complacency.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[featherduster]

I'm sure you're right, even if I don't know anything about Rangers.

You're not just a Ranger, though.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[arrowace]

Technically true. But I am . . . mostly a Ranger, to be honest.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[featherduster]

[ FLICKS THEM ON THE FOREHEAD ]

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[arrowace]

[ ??????????????????????????? ]

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[featherduster]

Person first.

Profession second, or maybe even third.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[arrowace]

[ looks into the fire a long moment ]

I am not adept . . . at personhood. But I am trying.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[featherduster]

I'm not really sure what being "good at it" even looks like, to be honest.

Mostly, I'd like it if you could be happy.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[arrowace]

[ hooooof time for another long stare into the fire before responding ]

I . . . don’t think . . . I can do that.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[featherduster]

Maybe. Only you really know the answer to that.

But I'm not sure how much you've been set up for success in your life so far.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[arrowace]

. . . have you?

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[featherduster]

. . .

[ Does not lie directly into Mute's face in the greatest show of respect for them he can possibly muster. ]

No.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[noarchitact]

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[arrowace]

[ They nod. No pity or worry or even sympathy but just simple acceptance. There’s a sort of broken gratitude as well; knowing they can trust that he knows what he’s talking about here. They owe him the same honesty. ]

I . . . the way am . . . it’s not his fault, you know. I have always . . . been empty.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[chasseurdebeaute]

Empty, monsieurmoiselle? I can't imagine it...

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[arrowace]

Not— . . . not entirely. But . . . there are . . . pieces missing. As a human, or any sort of person . . . I am deficient. I do not . . . love . . . as a person is supposed to love, or fear death and pain as a person should fear death and pain. I do not laugh, or . . . cry . . . or mourn. Hunting, loneliness, even killing . . . do not bother me.

But . . . being like this . . . Does not trouble me either. These things make me a better ranger and a . . . more useful companion.

It is simply how I am.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[chasseurdebeaute]

Fufu, is that so...?


If there are pieces missing, I couldn't say that anything stood out to me as a deficiency--but perhaps I was struck by familiarity instead...? Oui, it was a rather acute kinship, I think. I have felt for certain since you arrived that your inner world is rich with the unique and beautiful, whether terrifying or deadly, or simply quiet.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[arrowace]

[ . . . oh. they look away from the fire finally, back to Rubato, clearly touched. ]

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[chasseurdebeaute]

I do remember a time when I also felt 'empty' as you describe it--but rather than true emptiness, it was perhaps a disconnection, where I could not find purchase to understand or express myself or my own emotions. It wasn't until I discovered the beauty of performances--music--the stage--that I was able to catch a thread that I could follow.

Perhaps you have not yet found a thread like that for yourself, but... it was you who wrote to me, "I would do a lot of violence or not violence if it would help you keep smiling," wasn't it? If someone who is capable of a wish like that does not also harbor forms of love or fear, if I have not already seen that you laugh or mourn in your own way over all that you have experienced, then perhaps my understanding of these things is also still lacking.

Though I don't think I'm wrong! Fufufu.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[axingnicely]

Mute-kun...

Perhaps it isn't my place to say, but... It pains me to hear you speak of yourself in such a manner. I don't believe you are incapable of feeling love. And you certainly aren't deficient because you don't feel things the way others do. Every person is unique, and there is no shame in that.

In fact, I rather admire you.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[arrowace]

[ sinks down into their hoodie a little ]

I am not . . . ashamed of it.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[featherduster]

Saying it like that -- whether it's someone's "fault" or not -- makes it sound like something's wrong with you.

There's nothing wrong with you, Mute.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[arrowace]

[ something in their eyes goes a little bit like a hint of a rueful smile, but their mouth remains flat as they explain what they mean to Rubato ]

That is . . . kind to say, but . . . self-evidently untrue. Still . . . these deficiencies . . . can be put to use.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[featherduster]

It is true, though.

We're all good at some things and bad at other things. I'm sure everybody at this couch burning can think of at least ten things I'm "deficient" at.

If you're not happy with it, that's fine. Everyone has the capability of changing. But if you're satisfied with it and only worried about what other people think, other people can piss off.

Re: FIRE TIME FOR BLUEBELL COUCH

[arrowace]

“What other people think . . . “

[ huffs and shakes their head. this conversation is getting quickly overwhelming and they are sinking a little into their Big Comfy Hoodie and staring into the fire. ]

I know there are . . . parts I can change. I am fully . . . dedicated to . . . increasing my proficiency at friendship.

[ looks up at him ]


We’re . . . friends, aren’t we?