sheep_game | ૮꒰˵• ﻌ •˵꒱ა ewe can do it~

It is more complex than that of course. You spend time with them, get to know them, and see what interests you have and how compatible you both are.

[ . . . ]

Mm... it is difficult for me to explain. The feeling of love can be rather unreasonable at times, too. And it can also hurt.

What is something that excites you?

I like learning new things. I like making discoveries about the world around me, whether that's reading about stuff, or talking to people, or examining things on my own.

I feel overwhelming love for the natural world. That's what makes my heart flutter, and makes me want to keep learning about it, so I can know her better. That's the version of "love" I understand.

It doesn't make me want to settle down and raise offspring, though, so I think it might be different...? Nature doesn't need anything from me. I don't need anything from her, either. My relationship with nature doesn't require any trust.

A love of nature is certainly a wonderful thing. But I suppose it is difficult for me to imagine not experiencing or having romantic feelings at all. Then again, I have heard there are people who are uninterested in that too.

For myself, while I have been... rejected. And my parents likely have a match already in mind for me back home, even I still fancy something wonderful and romantic.

Is it simply that you find it difficult to trust in general?

Well, that too; I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anyone completely, and it's because of that I've been able to make it to this age at the first place. But I only mention trust because it's my understanding that that's part of finding a mate for you guys.

What do you look for in a partner? How do you know when you've found someone you want to pursue?

What do you consider "romantic"?

I... am not really sure. I thought I knew, but then it turns out love is entirely unfair and unreasonable and at times goes completely against what you think you want. Because if you were to ask me, in general, I would say my preference would be for a responsible, hardworking oneesama. Women are absolutely wonderful and incredible and capable of anything. Elegance... sophistication? I would greatly admire that in a lovely maiden. I would desire for someone to be hardworking like myself, possess passion for what they enjoy, while being compassionate and kind toward others.

[And then he ended up liking an eel.]

Romance, to me, would be sweeping someone off their feet and providing them the tools to a happy and healthy life. I would wish to take care of them, while being able to confide in and trust them in turn. But if you were to ask me when I knew that I had feelings for another, that is more difficult to say? I suppose that I simply came to enjoy spending so much time with them, that I realized I am happiest when we are together, and I found myself looking forward to being around them above all else. I truly desired to be a necessary existence in their life.

Or at the very least, an existence that they desired to keep near, too. To be wanted.

I suppose... love feels a little like that.

[She listens attentively, considering all of this very earnestly.]

So... instead of deliberately choosing a partner, it's something that just kind of... comes over you? You just "know"?

Eventually. Though I do think it is possible for someone to fail to realize. I certainly did not for a long time. And, just because you have feelings for someone, does not mean they will return them. So love can be painful, too, especially when it is one-sided.

Even if I haven't felt love, I do know what it feels like to realize someone may have been more important to you than you are to them.

It's enough to make you feel like maybe you don't want to care about anyone, anymore, huh.

[He thinks that over for a moment, before eventually shaking his head.]

That may be the case for some. But for me, it would be like saying that the times that made me happy, or that I cherish, were not worth it in the end. And that is simply not true either. Naturally, I am disappointed and even sad. Rejection hurts. Painfully so. But... I do not regret the feelings I have. And, in the end, I have parents who love me, friends who enjoy spending time with me, a unit that cherishes me despite my numerous flaws, and a flock that dotes on me.

I may not have the heart of the person I like the most. But... I am not fully absent from their heart, either. If I needed help, I am sure they would rush to my side. And, I do wish to believe that they enjoy my company at the very least, even if we shall only ever be friends. And that is something I treasure, too. Afterall, I greatly love my friends.

[she's quiet for a moment]

[and then, she smiles. It's a smile that real warmth in it, instead of something patronizing, or fake.]

...That's a really mature way of looking at it. Surprisingly pragmatic, considering how irrational emotions can be.

So? What will you do now?

I was raised very elegantly, so naturally I am always quite mature. [lol]

[He thinks for a moment, though.]

Do you mean in regard to my own feelings though? [He lifts a finger up to his chin in thought.]

I suppose that... if he ever shows a sign of weakness, I shall pounce upon it like a predator upon prey faster than he can blink. If I felt that he did or could have romantic feelings for me, I mean.

[He hasn't given entirely up. Though he does respect his decision and autonomy. He does not wish to make him uncomfortable.]

That said, there is nothing that I can do other than respect how he feels, and spend time together normally, as I do with others? Truthfully, my parents do likely have someone in mind for me back home already. Arranged marriages are not unheard of, particularly for those of us within the aristocracy. Moreover, it is not even legal for two individuals of the same gender to wed back home. I doubt that my parents would have approved.

[He heaves a small sigh.]

There is someone else here who greatly confuses my emotions and leaves me at a loss from time to time. But they are such an odd individual, that I honestly cannot tell if they are simply teasing me, or if they are intending to come across as though they might... like me. And due to who they are, I feel that much more confused myself.

. . . So perhaps I am no expert on love. I am certainly a failed example of it here in the pasture, despite being on Bluebell. But no one ever said that love is easy, and I suppose that unrequited love has always been a theme throughout history.

And so, I cannot imagine what theDoki Doki Demon might request of you. Or even if immortality is something that one can ask for. Perhaps there is a different solution? I have no idea really. But, at the very least, it does not hurt to ask, does it? If you desire to, then I can attempt to summon her, since I was already debating doing so to begin with. Though truly my own reasons are so much more silly in comparison.

[this is all so fascinating...]

What are you gonna ask of her?

I cannot say. You will just laugh.

Try me.

[ . . . . . . . . ]

I asked Miss Daisy if she had a longer-lasting spell for ears and a tail. She said no, but that I could probably ask the Doki Doki Demon for something like that.

Well, shit. If Doki-Doki can give you extra body parts, I want some too.

. . . Like what?

Wings! Wings, for sure!

This place has let me sample what it feels like to fly. I'd love to do it any time I wanted, under my own power. It felt really good!

If having ears and a tail is what feels good for you, then you should do it!

Oh- I could certainly see how wings would be quite fun. Flying is exciting, so I do not blame you for that at all. I have only ever done it upon a broom which was enchanted. But It was very enjoyable.

If you wind up summoning Doki Doki, can I come?

If I end up summoning her, I think in part it would be for your own sake, so naturally. Besides, it sounds like something like this may be better sooner rather than later.

Well, I'm exploring the possibility of making a prosthetic body I can put my soul in. Something made of limbus wouldn't be enough, since a duplicate of this failing body will probably still be failing. But Angel Devil has a lot of experience with bioengineering, and Aides has volunteered to try to help us build some of the necessary technology.

I don't know if it's going to work, though, or if we'll be able to make it in time. It's going to be really complicated. So it's good to have backup plans. I don't know which solution is going to be the one that works, if any.

Between everything, I hope something can be found.

[ . . . ]

Though I was thinking. You may not be interested in this, since I know you are rather wary of others having any control over you. But if you wanted to feel something... perhaps similar to love, I could do that? It would not be true. But when it was cast upon me once, I recall how I felt head over heels.

[She thinks about that seriously.]

Edited 2024-07-20 06:22 (UTC)

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wants_the_phd - 2024-07-20 06:23 (UTC) - Expand

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heavyliesthecrown - 2024-07-22 01:36 (UTC) - Expand

૮꒰˵• ﻌ •˵꒱ა ewe can do it~

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