sheep_game | Outta my head

Entry tags:

Outta my head

WHO: All
WHERE: The Pasture
WHEN: Day 26 All Day

[WHAT UP SHEEP WHO ARE NOT WANDERING INTO THE MIST LATER. Hope you're having a good day!! Even the requisite storms are in a good mood, as they last extremely briefly, barely wetting the ground, giving people plenty of sunshine to mill about and do their things!

HOWEVER by afternoon, Blossom is hanging around the town square, muttering to herself as she draws a rune in the ground.]

D-dangit Stormy I know you're here!! This will make you come out--OOF!.

[she suddenly trips over the rune, and it lights up. . .and fireworks??? shoot into the air from it, exploding in an array of rainbow like colors. But after the display, they rain back down. Not as fizzling sparks but globs of paint in various colors. Weird!!

Blossom runs in circles, making a concentrated effort to not get hit by any paint. Unfortunately, maybe YOU do.]

Ooooooh no. Oh no.

[TIME TO ERASE THE RUNE AND SKITTER OFF GOODBYE]

[OOC: MINGLE but with a gimick--if you get hit by any paint, people nearby can hear your inner thoughts. Oops!! It can wear off as soon as they clean the paint off them, or can last until evening, up to you! If you do not wish to engage in this nonsense, simply say you didn't get hit and use this mingle for whatever. TY!!]

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[ she's actually caught off-guard, because she wasn't expecting an apology, and wasn't expecting.... that one, in particular. thoughtshare means she can tell he's being sincere... not that he has any reason to lie ]

[ and, well. was it as simple as just getting revenge? it's true that she didn't want to get married. it's true that she was tired of being powerless while he treated everyone around him like garbage, her included, while he ran his workers into the ground and they died under his watch. but, still... ]

... We had succeeded in changing his heart. He was going to take responsibility for the things he'd done. And I..... took satisfaction, from the fact that I was part of the reason he did that.

But thank you. For the apology.

[the problem with people hearing what you're thinking is that even though you are doing your best to figure out a non-confrontational way to get out of this conversation, the thing that you actually end up broadcasting is: "what was left of him wouldn't have been your real father anyway"]

[ that cuts through her thoughts very sharply ]

[ unlike shido, there was a time where her own father wasn't like that, where he was kind, poured his heart and soul into big bang burger, and cared for her. but in reality, it's been a long time since he was that way, and when she tries to remember it, the moments are fleeting. she remembers mari's kindness more than her own father's. when she tries to remember the father before he became a ruthless businessman, she can only think of maruki's puppet version of her father. and the version of him she saw in mementos ]

....

[ You don't know that. ]

[ and neither does she, really. ]

...You're right. I don't. Philosophers have debated for thousands of years on what defines a person.

[But the way I see it, Phantom Thieves targets who were more rot than person come out as hollow shells.]

[ she's quiet for a long time, clenching her fists tight at her side. this is very raw ]

There isn't any way to know now.

[ and then, a little more gently: ]

... But I can understand why you'd think that... considering our earlier targets. [ futaba aside. ]

I wouldn't say my opinion has changed, although it's apparent that it isn't the case with people who had something in them worth saving, like Sae-san and Futaba.

[Futaba...]

[he still feels bad about Futaba. not the murder part of it, but the gaslighting that came afterward. he hadn't known about that. but he should have. a true force of justice would have broken or killed everyone involved.]

...I wonder how I would come out, if I were able to have a Palace for you to ransack? The thought makes my skin crawl.

We never stole Sae-san's treasure, you know. She changed her heart on her own.

[ wow wakaba probably wasn't an asshole. but we'll never know..... ]

[ she's quiet for a bit, but her thoughts still go despite herself. Maybe it would have been the version of you who could have truly joined us, instead of using us. ]

... And I think you did, too. After we defeated you.

[he did and at this point he has even admitted as much to himself, but even as that thought flits across his mind, it's clear he has no intention to verbalize it.]

Our goals are in alignment now. That's all that matters.

Is that truly the only thing that matters to you...?

[no]

It's what matters objectively. If you're displeased with my having used you, well, now's your chance to use me.

There's no need for that. I have no issue working alongside you.

[ As long as you don't hurt him. ]

...

[Loki doesn't want to hurt him. Not anymore. But he will. It's inevitable. It's who and what he is.]

[ she could say nothing. she could twist the knife. but that isn't who she is. ]

[ melody's silent for a little... then, softly, but firmly: ]

The Loki we worked with before... was still under his father's control. A feeling I know quite well, as you know. And the Phantom Thieves didn't tamper with your heart. You chose to change. You chose to fight alongside us to stop Dr. Maruki, knowing full well.... the consequences of us defeating him.

My beloved leader believes in you. And he does not make mistakes when deciding who he believes in. What you do now is your choice... but you should know, Loki, that you are more than what those disgusting adults tried to make you.

[At once, Loki's thoughts become chaotic and conflicted. Part of him resonates with what she's saying, part of him rejects it, and none of him wants to hear it. But after a moment, he settles into the one part he knows he can be certain of, that one bit of defensive fatalism that makes everything simple: he is dead, and none of it matters]

True as that may be, I'm still dancing at the end of a string, or rather a noose. This false reality will collapse like those before it, and when it does, there's no reason to believe it won't take me with it. The two of you may not even remember that I was here.

And that's fine. What little choice remains left to me has already been made. I will raze this place to the ground or die again trying.

[pauses, then adds this before his thoughts betray him:]

...And if possible, I'd like to see him make it out. One of us should get to.

[ melody's thoughts are mixed on this as well. this place doesn't feel like a false reality to her, but she has no idea how to actually describe it. she's likewise holding onto the idea that one day they'll finally get to the bottom of all of this and find a way home. she can't guarantee that he has a chance of making it out of here alive, either, just that the pasture as a whole are going to continue doing what they can for the dead. him included. and she's part of that effort. as is lupin ]

I think that is oversimplifying things.... I'm not so sure this place is a false reality, despite how... absurd everything is here. I think you have more control than that.

... Whatever happens, I have faith that he will find his way home. Nothing can truly stop Lupin. And I'm certain he will not be wanting to leave without the both of us.

...I know that.

But there are things even he can't fix. I won't drag him down with me.

[ You really have changed... ]

It is just as much his choice to fight for your life as it is yours.... just remember that. I'm afraid he's quite stubborn, as you know.

[his reaction to hearing that he has changed is one of knee-jerk defensiveness]

I never asked to change, or to be fought for, or have some new cosmic force parade me out to save a world that's even shittier than the last one! Whatever happened to resting in peace?

[ It was your choice to change.... and it isn't a bad thing. ]

None of us asked to be here, Loki.

Is returning to being dead truly what you want?

Edited 2023-10-25 01:04 (UTC)

I want—

[His thoughts on this topic lie somewhere between chaotic, contradictory, and all-out incoherent, and he's riling himself up just dwelling on them. At the end of the day, even Loki would be better off not listening to Loki's thoughts]

It doesn't matter what I want! None of us were asked to be here, but when this bullshit is over, your lives will go on. You and he can go regale your teammates with war stories and continue on having fun and friendship and adventures and whatever else you people do. But for me, even if I somehow come out of this still breathing, my life remains over. Anything I wanted, worked for, or aspired to — all of it ended the second I lost to your lot.

[everything brought to light. all of my secrets, naked to the world. I'm expected to want to live like that?]

—The Phantom Theives' version of justice prevailed. I accept that. When Maruki brought me back, I even fought for it! Why isn't that enough? Why should I pretend like I'm excited to go rot in a prison cell?

[ just wait until the next spinoff akechi ]

I never said it wasn't enough, or that you had to pretend, Loki. [ everything he had worked for, indeed. a little cooly, but firmly. ] I simply asked if that's what you wanted.

[ You don't seem to even know, yourself.... ]

... To be honest, I'm not sure you would even be arrested, at this point, if you returned alive. Everyone moved on quickly after we defeated the god of control, and then Dr. Maruki. And it wasn't long after that the metaverse returned, and the police immediately started blaming us for any so called changes of heart.

[shit, she's right. I have no idea what I want—]

...You weren't the ones who were out there killing people. I even confessed—

[wait, no. that didn't happen. why do I still remember a thing that didn't happen? shit. maybe what I want is to find and kill Maruki—]

Or rather. I assume the authorities would have heard about my involvement from Shido. And Lupin must have needed to testify since I couldn't. Even the laziest police can't ignore that.

[they'll know. everyone will know. everyone will see me for what I am.]

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Outta my head

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i thought i responded to this!!!

you joke responded lol

then i forgot to do a real tag

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