(no subject)

[noarchitact]

WHO: Bluebell + Zenith
WHERE: In the middle of the WOODS
WHEN: Day 22 Night and beyond.

[ impromptu camping trip is GO! ]

Comments

[featherduster]

Oh . . . is that not how it works?

Sorry -- I just learned about frogs -- but dogs have them, so . . . ??

[ Why CAN'T frogs have houses????? Who decides which animals are worthy of landownership??? ]

[arrowace]

[ ok he’s absolutely right and he should say it but hold on ]

Why . . . just now? What amphibians . . . are you familiar with?

[featherduster]

[ uhhh ]

. . . How many . . . are there?

My world didn't really have water, or plants, or many animals . . . so . . .

[arrowace]

[ recited like it’s holy scripture, without the pauses or uncertainty their speech otherwise always includes: ]

The prime material plane contains over eight thousand naturally occurring confirmed amphibious species including frogs, toads, newts, false salamanders, and eyeworms. They are all four or six-legged animals, generally magically inert and go through a larval/metamorphosis process more common to insects.

When you say “not many” you mean . . . you only had . . . primarily terrestrial amphibians?

[featherduster]

[ Eight thousand? Eight THOUSAND? Of JUST amphibians? The fuck is going on on actual habitable planets?????? ]

Sand worms, thomases, and some domesticated animals . . . uh, that's it? No amphibians.

[arrowace]

[ Bro? BRO???? ]

If it was . . . a desert climate. Then . . . small mammals. Sub-draconic reptiles? A wide variety of insects and spider-forms . . .

Maybe . . . you missed them.

[featherduster]

Nope.

I mean, that woulda been nice. But no.

[arrowace]

[ what the fuck WHAT THE FUCK

As gently as they are possibly able: ]

Are you . . . maybe, living in a minor Hell, actually?

[featherduster]

[ HA HA HA HA HA HA ]

Some people think so.

[arrowace]

[ absolutely matter-of-fact, because this is straight up a very real possibility in their mind: ]

It is worth . . . consulting a wizard, if you know one.

[ Christ alive. Huffs, takes a look around. ]

Stay here. Be quiet.

[featherduster]

[ Opens his mouth to ask why--



Stays quiet. Looks around also.

???? ]

[arrowace]

[ they crouch and touch the ground, mumbling something under their breath. Then they tip their head to the side, like a dog that’s heard something interesting and they mumbles again.

Finally they stand up and walk to a smallish stone half buried in the ground and wave him to come over. ]

[featherduster]

[ ?????

Ok yessir

Quietly meanders over there ]

[arrowace]

Don’t . . . touch. Its skin is toxic and . . . likely ours to it as well.

[ caaaaaaarefully pries up the rock, revealing a little blue-black creature that promptly does its best to pretend this is not happening. But unfortunately for creature, its face is arranged in such a way at to read as a serene smile to the unfamiliar humanoid. ]

Salamander.

[ taps the rock ]

Salamander house.

[featherduster]

[ mom holy fuck

STAGE WHISPERS ]

They're just all over?!

[arrowace]

[ nod nod ]

Most places . . . wet, and warm enough. Yes. They need water to spawn . . . because . . . when they are born . . .

[ READY TO LOSE YOUR MIND? READY FOR MUTE TO DROP THE DOPEST NATURE FACT YOU HAVE EVER HEARD???? READY TO LEARN ABOUT TADPOLES??????? ]

[featherduster]

[ He somehow manages to convey "??????" with only his face ]

[arrowace]

[ I don’t have an icon that properly conveys their conspiratorial excitement. hands down the most emotive he has seen Mute be under any circumstance. ]

They are born as . . . fish. Only when they mature . . . do they grow legs.

[featherduster]

[ It's a feat that he controls his volume if not his enthusiasm ]

You're just making that up.

[arrowace]

Minuet.

[ they look him directly in the eyes and say with 100% earnest and deadly seriousness: ]

I would . . . never, never . . never lie to you . . . about the salamander life cycle.

[arrowace]

[ looks back down at the salamander friend time for more cool amphibian facts. ]

Some . . . many frogs, can . . . change genders. If needed, if environmentally prompted. Some salamanders . . . for unclear reasons, may . . . have the capacity to express . . . no gender as commonly understood. Most develop into male and female adults while . . . other individuals . . . reach biological maturity without . . . with no secondary sex characteristics.

1/

[featherduster]

[featherduster]

[ Okay.

This is it.



He should ask. ]

[featherduster]

[ IT'S A PERFECT SEGUE--








GOD, NO IT'S NOT. HOLY SHIT. ]

[featherduster]

[ Okay, Vash the Stampede, listen the fuck up. You've faced down all the untold horrors the world could throw at you and overcame. Asking a teenager a simple personal question is baby shit. You got this. ]